Tag Archives: emotions

Mini-crying

These days I cry in small snatches. For whatever reason I’ll start to feel sad, which will then lead me to cry, but as soon as tears start I stop crying: wipe the eyes, blow the nose, the end. The whole thing lasts about thirty seconds. I’m not doing it this way deliberately; it seems to be more like a sneeze than anything else, and probably lasts about the same amount of time.

I never did it this way before; it’s only been happening for the last year or two, and I don’t remember how or when it started changing. Sometimes I think maybe I’m going a bit mad. I don’t see why something as basic as crying would change character unless there’s something in my thinking that’s creating the change, and I don’t know what that might be.

On the other hand, crying in short bursts doesn’t seem to be doing any harm, and unlike the previous alternative – crying for longer, to the point of sometimes wallowing in it (“OH WOE IS ME!”) – it doesn’t leave me feeling worse afterwards… because I don’t feel anything afterwards. It’s all just over and done with. So, maybe it’s some sort of pressure release – rapid escape of emotional steam.

Delusions

I cried while watching a movie on television last night, and now that I’m thinking about it, it reminds me of the post during the week where I wondered why the so-called mindless consumption of television is supposedly wrong.

(a) I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with mindless consumption. (There’s a time and a place for everything.)
But now also,
(b) If I was moved enough while watching television to burst into tears, I can’t have been sitting there doing nothing – or not unless you think that feeling or imagining or empathising all qualify as “doing nothing”, and if you do, you probably don’t know what you’re talking about.

But then “mindless consumption” doesn’t mean “doing nothing”, so maybe I’ve mistaken the meaning or intention of the criticism, and this whole post is about nothing.

I cried because in the movie a man who had schizophrenia found out that his best friend was actually a delusion. It was nearly the saddest thing I’ve seen in forever. Firstly, the friend was pretty hot (at one point he leaps up onto a desk where the man is sitting, like a wood sprite or something, and I mean, who wouldn’t want a wood sprite perched in front of them?). Secondly, I couldn’t understand why the man couldn’t just keep him, even after recognising his delusional nature. What’s so bad about a delusion that’s helpful? Isn’t that how most of us get through life? (I don’t mean we’re all experiencing things that don’t exist for anyone else, but just that a lot of what we believe to be true really isn’t, but we don’t realise that and we go on living successfully anyway. Doesn’t that qualify as being delusional? I’m not sure, but think it would.)

Anyway, I like TV. And it doesn’t bother me when other people don’t, as long as they don’t expect the rest of us to fall into line behind them. After watching something like the movie last night, I feel like something important has happened, that I’ve experienced something that matters. And if that’s just a delusion, fine; I can live with that.

UPDATE:

The friend was an hallucination, not a delusion. See Correction.